We lost our child through miscarriage. Is Respite Retreat for us?

First, we're so very sad with you. We know it hurts so much.

As much as we would love to welcome you to our Respite Retreat, we don't believe it would be the best place for you to find healing. There are several aspects to the weekend that we think might add to your sorrow rather than relieve it. For example, we put up pictures around the room of the children who have died, and we fear that since you don't have a photo of your child, this would only add to your sense of isolation. We would hope for you to be surrounded by fellow grieving parents who uniquely understand and can share the deep pain of miscarriage, and we can't guarantee that would be the case in the circle at Respite Retreat. We are unwilling to risk the possibility that your loss might not be esteemed by all of the other participants at the retreat and thereby cause further pain to you.

We know your grief is significant, and in no way do we want to give you the impression that your grief is somehow less than that of any other parent who loses a child. It's not at all less, but it is, perhaps, different in some ways from the grief of the typical participants of Respite Retreat. A big part of the loss of miscarriage is the loss of dreams and what could have been, fears about whether or not you will be able to have a successful pregnancy, and the lack of on-going concern and support from people around you who never held or knew your child. We hope you can find support with those  who uniquely understand the loss of miscarriage.

At times, we have considered hosting a weekend specifically for couples who have experienced miscarriage, but we haven't had enough demand and don't feel equipped to lead one since we haven't been through the experience ourselves. We are keeping our ears open for a couple who would be able to lead something like this, and we'd love to help them get one started.

We recognize that this may not make sense to you and may cause offense to you and we're deeply sorry if that is the case. However, having walked with many families who have experienced miscarriages, all we can do is ask that you trust our wisdom in this, and forgive us if we've offended you.